Homeworks academic writing service


My mothers date turns out to be a monster

Did your mother have the narcissism bug? If so, you may be struggling as a consequence.

Post Comment

Here are a few characteristics of the narcissistic mother. While many people have narcissistic traits, only a few are true narcissists. Still, a few items on this list may have affected you. Your mother brings most conversations back to herself.

The world revolves around her and her needs. Your mother takes your achievements for granted, but brags about them to her friends.

  1. Here are a few characteristics of the narcissistic mother.
  2. If you have or had a mother with narcissistic tendencies, you may be struggling to enjoy the fruits of your adult life. And he in turn, abused me and we are again, apart.
  3. I digested that I was conceived by an adulterous relationship but now after 44 years my mother tells me that all these years people lied to me and I was conceived from rape from this man.

Your mother finds fault in you dad, siblings, etc. And when you make it right, you barely get an acknowlegement. Your mother lacks insight about her behavior, and will not tolerate criticism, however mild. Your mother fights to wintaking no prisoners, even if she hurts people along the way. Sadly, your mother may have a deficiency in the capacity to feel empathy —with you or anyone close to her. The Value of Validation: Everyone needs validation in order to feeling emotionally secure.

It is that easy. Or seeing you for the person you are, or simply feeling like you are important to your mom or dad. Validation is not poisoning a child with saccharine support; when a person is validated, they feel truly appreciated. Healthy validation sinks in, and transforms to healthy self esteem.

They are too caught up with needing to be validated themselves. And, their children suffer.

  • Why do you feel sorry for yourselves?
  • First, the reassuring stuff;
  • I just found out today that my father raped my mother.

How Children Are Affected: If you have or had a mother with narcissistic tendencies, you may be struggling to enjoy the fruits of your adult life. Your career—no matter how great—may not be good enough. She taught you that whatever you have is not enough. Or, your need for validation may have pigeon-holed you into the role of taking care of the needs of another narcissist. Awareness is a blessing. You will need to forgive your mother, and move on.

Surviving a Narcissistic Mother: So how do you deal with the consequences of a narcissistic mother? There are no simple rules here. Here are a few insights that may be of help. Get a consultation with a good therapist. Maternal support is so essential for healthy adult life that it will be of service to get into effective psychotherapy. You will have to objectify the deprivation that you experienced, and see how it plays out in the present moment. This is the first step to change.

How to handle a clingy toddler

You may be clinically depressed or anxious and need to overcome a psychological disorder. Once free, it will be easier to deal with your upbringing. Plus, finding a middle ground with your mom after experiencing the emotional pain she has caused will not be a walk in the park. But you may want to come to terms with your mom because you probably love her regardless. Her vanity and egotistical tendencies strains your relationship. Set good limits and keep hurt to a minimum.

How to Turn Your Mom into a Monster

You can develop ways often with the help of therapy to walk away or defuse the situation. Remember your self-worth because a narcissistic mother will downplay it. Be realistic when dealing with your mom.

  • There is no hel greater, I feel, than living with a woman who feels she has the legitimate right to destroy you;
  • It never made sense the hate she could have for me.

It will be more difficult for your mother to hurt you if you know what to expect during your encounters. It should be fairly predictable. And keep the necessary distance you need in order to keep your conflicts at bay. Assure your mother that if she is doing something for you, she will benefit.

Your narcissistic mother did her best—Now it’s your turn

This is not an entirely honest approach to dealing with your mom, but in some extreme narcissistic cases, you need to serve her with her own dose of manipulation. If you need her help in something, the only way you may see any results is if you successfully spin it to make her appear as the one who benefits.

I am hesitant to write this, but it may help some people. This is not sanction to be a manipulator yourself. And, you may feel a sense of loyalty to her. You can be a dutiful son or daughter, even if she fell way short. If your relationship with your mom becomes threatening or toxic, the only way out may be to distance yourself from the relationship.

Did your mother taint your dating habits or expectations? Any of these scenarios will decrease your ability to be truly intimate with another person. Awareness and good treatment can open doors. Put your foot down and assert your own authority, while challenging hers. Well, you are now an adult who can politely inform your mother that her know-it-all, threatening attitude is no longer—and has never been—tolerable.

  • Kleber identified the post-partum period as a significant mental health risk for children born of rape;
  • Well, you are now an adult who can politely inform your mother that her know-it-all, threatening attitude is no longer—and has never been—tolerable.

Under certain circumstances it can be constructive to fight back fire with fire. Just know that this can backfire she may need to win at all costsso choose your battles carefully. Having compassion and pity for your narcissistic mother. She had her own injuries; maybe a hard life or her own narcissistic parents.

My mothers date turns out to be a monster

Just know that although she has a hard way of showing it, she may still really care about you. With luck, there were other supportive figures that may have validated you along the way. A narcissistic mother is a big obstacle, but you still have a life to live.

Now that you are an adult, the ball is in your court.